Victory over sin by Prayer!

Yes so I know God called me into ministry. But it just seems to be such a great struggle. Struggle in balancing between family time, business time, my life time, friends time, and ministry time and studies time. When I sit to study I just don’t get it. I don’t concentrate as much. I don’t focus. Rather keep being distracted to do other things other than study. Why can I never start something and finish it well? Feels like I threw myself in a wilderness that doesn’t seem to end. God feels like you have forsaken me especially for the way I too like eve forsook you. But please you do know very well eve was close to you. I am only human. How can you forsake me? Coz what do you want me to do when you forsake me? Where do you expect me to turn to when you turn away from me. For me I'm only human and indeed since creation it is clear that I fall out. But here it seems you have chosen doom for me. Hence I don’t have power to overcome. Your power is greater and because you control everything then why cant you control me totally in such a way that my will, my desires are all diminished and your will and purpose prevail over my life. Why does it have to be such a struggle? Why does this issue of choice have to override your will and purpose? Why Lord? Why cant my choices be what you want for me rather than what I want for me. It beats my logic why you give me such freedom? Why Lord just take control over my entire being. And let everything literally everything I do be what you want me to do!! Period. In Jesus name. amen. 

We have been on this mountain too long and far too many times! Back and forth. It’s not a very good picture of me to you. And even to myself. Why do I have to be back and forth on similar issues. Why can’t you solve it and resolve it once and for all. Why can’t I move from this mountain with victory. You love me and you have already shown it in many ways but I need victory over sin. Victory if indeed I am not doomed for hell. Victory in every area of my life. Victory that you granted men and women of old. Victory that you grant your own even today. Victory that will last forever! Victory that will find me enter heaven. Victory over sin and over every circumstance in my life. Victory over the dead. Victory over finances. Victory over every aspect of life.

Lord it seems you are punishing me for every sin I have committed. Indeed they are many but your blood cleanses white as snow. Why cant you cleanse all and forget all. Please remember them not. For when you remember them then I am totally doomed. Indeed I have committed abominable sins and I don’t even want to begin counting them here. Aaaiiiiaaaaiiiii they are far too many my Lord. But then how great is your love. Especially knowing that you are God and not human as me. Your love is greater. Yet I know you judge too. You kill. You give life. You are sovereign and you own and have control over everything. I honor you today Lord. Release me from this captivity of the enemy’s bondage. Release me oh Lord. Like the man on the cross by your side, please forgive me I pray. Forgive me Lord. In Jesus name I ask. Amen.